In the past I’ve always been an ambitious person, but, this year, for the first time I feel my ambition stems from me rather than from outside pressure. The year ahead of me feels like a big one, but only because I’ve found a creative direction I’m really excited to move in, yet realizing potential means you have to devote attention to these projects. Before the school year started, I took a lot of time to think through how to balance everything. I’ll be the first to admit; in the past I’ve allowed my independent nature to override maintaining friendships, so even with the crazy year ahead, I repeatedly remind myself to continue to put effort into those around me. So what’s the problem?
The problem is that my idea of “fun” means going out for coffee, watching a movie, or grabbing dinner, not partying until 2am and waking up with a splitting headache the next morning, ruining the entire day. It’s not that partying isn’t fun, sure in some contexts it is, but college only comes around once. Some people believe that because college only comes around once, I’m “taking myself too seriously,” “I need to live a little” or as the title suggests, “I’m not fun.” Although it may be true that after these four years “partying” won’t be the same, college offers so much more than wild weekends all of which will also cease to exist after graduation. A college campus is such a unique space: it’s an educational haven filled with resources, built to facilitate risk taking in an environment safe from the consequences which accompany real risk in the outside world.
Knowing the unique opportunity college holds, why do I still feel conflicted? It’s because when my friends ask me to go out, it’s not the malicious peer pressure which stereotypically characterizes high school. My friends accompany me on day-time excursions, yet they also want me to go out with them on the weekends. “Going out” seems to be an essential way of maintaining a close relationship with someone in college, and it doesn’t seem very sustainable for me to keep staying in and seemingly disappointing those around me. I don’t see how I can hold out for an extended period of time without creating some sort of tension. I guess at some point I will have to give, but I don’t know where is the balancing point.
I ask myself, is this conflict simply a side effect of hustling? Am I being selfish? In all honesty, I’m not sure what to do. My aspirations are dangling like a carrot right in front of my eyes, and I can’t help but want to reach out and snatch them, but is this tunnel vision leaving me blind to everything else around me?
Because oftentimes hustling isn’t a “traditional path” (it doesn’t seem to be part of the “college experience”), un-traditional problems arise which I have to confront. This weekend, I chose to stay in against my friends’ coaxing, and, to be quite frank, I’m not sure I made the right decision. Hustlefizz was never made as a guide to hustling (as a college student I certainly am not qualified), rather it’s a window into all the struggles which accompany my journey to building something I love. In all honesty, small sacrifices like this seem to place even more pressure on the “successes” of my projects, otherwise what did I give up all of that “fun” for? But, what’s reward without a little risk? Regardless, it still sucks.